an update
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: My Chemical Romance (they're actually really good)

just an update.....

i'm losing weight like crazy.  i got a boyfriend, got my hopes up, messed around with him, and he dumped me while i still had bruises on my neck.  a**hole.  fu*k you matt.  and fu*k me, too.  i can't believe i actually trusted him.  that's my fault.  i'm down to 140 (i lost 15 lbs. since meeting him) and if i even try a little something, i purge it out of stress and whatever else im feeling.  and now i'm going to new york......lmao.  i'm gonna disappear.  i'm so fu*king scared.....  220 to 140 is a lot.  i can't afford to go anymore...... and i have some cigarette burns and cuts on my arm and wrists. 

it wasn't like i was in love with him or anything.  its the fact that i let my guard down, and now i remember exactly why i do it.  it's for my own good.  to have someone shower that kind of affection on you and then tell you "i felt nothing".......kinda hurts, lol.......  i can't believe that i thought i was good enough for anyone.  maybe that's it.  it's a lot of things.  he was the first guy i kissed, and after the first time he felt me up thuroughly he dumped me.  i feel used.....greatly.  and a bit of a whore....which is a complex that i've lived with my whole life, i didnt need this sh*t.

anyway......its so much more complicated than everything i just said.  if you believe that, lol.  i dont want to go into it.  i might freak if i do.  i have the cutties today.  i almost put another cigarette out on my arm.  i gotta stop that sh*t..... they leave REALLY bad marks/scars.

oy..... i can't believe im going to NY......i think im setting myself up for disaster, but i want to see my girls.... and my best girlfriend since 6th grade.

PEACE