Mood: don't ask
Now Playing: My Chemical Romance (they're actually really good)
just an update.....
i'm losing weight like crazy. i got a boyfriend, got my hopes up, messed around with him, and he dumped me while i still had bruises on my neck. a**hole. fu*k you matt. and fu*k me, too. i can't believe i actually trusted him. that's my fault. i'm down to 140 (i lost 15 lbs. since meeting him) and if i even try a little something, i purge it out of stress and whatever else im feeling. and now i'm going to new york......lmao. i'm gonna disappear. i'm so fu*king scared..... 220 to 140 is a lot. i can't afford to go anymore...... and i have some cigarette burns and cuts on my arm and wrists.
it wasn't like i was in love with him or anything. its the fact that i let my guard down, and now i remember exactly why i do it. it's for my own good. to have someone shower that kind of affection on you and then tell you "i felt nothing".......kinda hurts, lol....... i can't believe that i thought i was good enough for anyone. maybe that's it. it's a lot of things. he was the first guy i kissed, and after the first time he felt me up thuroughly he dumped me. i feel used.....greatly. and a bit of a whore....which is a complex that i've lived with my whole life, i didnt need this sh*t.
anyway......its so much more complicated than everything i just said. if you believe that, lol. i dont want to go into it. i might freak if i do. i have the cutties today. i almost put another cigarette out on my arm. i gotta stop that sh*t..... they leave REALLY bad marks/scars.
oy..... i can't believe im going to NY......i think im setting myself up for disaster, but i want to see my girls.... and my best girlfriend since 6th grade.
PEACE