it's been a while
Mood:  rushed

oh so sleepy........

it's been so long.......and, my, how things have changed

i went down to my lowest last december, about 130 lbs.  then i met Mike.......he makes me so unbelieveably happy.  after getting together with him, i had an amazing moment.  we met in english class, he asked me out, and we had gone out a couple times before, one day magically, i said ok to going out and getting pizza.  PIZZA! greasy, cheesy pizza.  we brought some back to the college to eat before class started, and i ate a slice.  what's the amazing part?  I DIDN'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.  something happened to me.  i don't know if it was him, or me, or a combination of both, but i started to come around.  it wasn't completely around, but i became less "eating disordered" so to speak, but more importantly, much more happy.

the most recent news......we're having a baby.  i'm due in February, around Valentine's Day.  this is where the most important breakthrough come in.  i eat.......and it's a decent amount, too.  i've thrown up maybe 4 times in the last 3 months (which is BIG for me) and have a decent appetite now.  I'm about 4 months along, so it's no surprise. 

i'm up to about 156.  it's depressing that i don't fit into ANY of my good skinny clothes anymore, and the fact i was FINALLY at a point in my life where i liked the way i looked.  now i'm going to blow up into a balloon.  i'm just scared of how i'll react food wise after i give birth.  i have a feeling i'll just starve myself to lose the baby weight.  it's the only way i've been able to lose weight successfully.  i'm trying to put it out of my mind and just think of now, though.

well.....that's the update. 

PEACE