Blog Tools
Edit your Blog
Build a Blog
RSS Feed
View Profile
« August 2005 »
S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30 31
You are not logged in. Log in
Entries by Topic
All topics  «


 
 
Your Webmistress
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
uh oh.....
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: SOAD, what else
so...i was purging the other day and all the sudden my knuckles hurt. i guess i've purged so much that i rubbed the skin off the knuckles with my teeth. ouch.
im scared im gonna have a heart attack or something else is gonna give. this is the most ever ive ever done this, to the point to the fact that i have 2 scabbed knuckles.
if i were thinner i'd say, ok, recovery time, but not at this weight.
in other news, coldplay is coming up in about 2 weeks!! yay! love them. other than eating disorders, that's my obsession. music. it's all i got.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 5:47 PM EDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
out of control, as usual
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: System Of A Down, what else
i cant figure out if im EDNOS or bulimic. just saying.........no reason.

ive been purging, like, 3 times EVERY DAY. this is the worst its ever been, ive never done it for this long like this before..... i feel like im just waiting for a heart attack.

once already today, fast food was suddenly sprung upon me. and i got out of the house to get away from the food.......

its not like alcohol or drugs, an addiction that you could avoid more. its like giving an alcoholic a jug of whiskey and expecting him to only have a shot or two.

youre supposed to eat, but not to little and not too much, just the right amount. and when youre addicted you seem to do either or both......

Posted by Your Webmistress at 2:43 PM EDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Sunday, August 21, 2005
nothing so new
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: SYSTEM OF A DOWN MOTHERF***ERS!!
in the morning? why yes, lol. best wakeup music.

im still all messed up with the not eating.......i threw up 3 times yesterday and 3 the day before, i feel like one giant puddle of puke. wow, that's disguisting.

and, of coarse, my self esteem is just roaring from all the breakouts purging has given me. lovely.

dammit dammit dammit.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 11:06 AM EDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
that show f**king rocked!
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: System Of A Down, whatelse!
cool, journal entry #20

the concert was amazing, those guys are great! i think im in love with the guitar player, lol. crazy coked up bastard.....

all i ate yesterday was a sandwich with some veggies on it (subway), most of the calories were in the bread anyway. took the cheese off, duh. like id eat that!? lol

ate a couple pretzles when i came home. 600 cals in a day? a little over, but not that horrible. im just glad i didnt binge!!!! YAY ME!!!!

ive been doing it like, sometimes 3 times a day. even if its "good" food. like, salad and tuna or something. just lettuce!! im so crazy.........

Posted by Your Webmistress at 12:19 PM EDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Monday, August 15, 2005
long time, no write
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: System Of A Down SEEING THEM TOMORROW!!!!
SEEING THEM TOMORROW!!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!!

still lost the same 5 lbs. just digesting enough food to maintain i guess. its weird. the more and more i purge the less im able to do it. what is that?

i gotta get a jump start on this site, do some major work, etc. im not busy, just lazy, lol. could SOMEONE give me help!? their opinion, whatever. maybe i should set up a comment box.......hmmm......i think ill do that.

Peace all.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 10:31 PM EDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Tuesday, August 9, 2005
clusterfucked
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: nothing
oh man, i screwed up so bad last night. i ate. a lot. i dont know what happened, all the sudden it was like, binge city. im such an asshole.....

i checked my weight again this morning, as usual, and it said i gained like, 5 lbs!!! what the hell?!?! i gotta keep track of what im eating on this thing......dammit

Posted by Your Webmistress at 11:56 AM EDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Friday, August 5, 2005
oh happy day
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: diana krall- live in paris GET IT NOW!
i lost like, 10 lbs.!!!!!! HAHAHA! HOW YOU ASK?!?! BY NOT KEEPING ANYTHING DOWN!!!

:::sigh::: oh happy day

gotta call brit......been too long

anyhoo, im seeing a gastro guy to check on the throat and stomach. wish me luck......

went out today for my one and only meal. except for the yogurt the chiropractor made me eat, lol. so funny, wouldnt let me leave without eating. good people.

is there anything people want me to talk about?

Posted by Your Webmistress at 9:43 PM EDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Monday, August 1, 2005
coldplay rox my sox!
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: coldplay!!!
such a good album they put out, x&y. i think a rush of blood to the head is still my fav. =)

caffiene rush!! only one pot so far, lol. its great with getting rid of unwanted cravings. and a great substitute for speed, lol.

what else......hmmm..... eh, i'll get deeper later

Posted by Your Webmistress at 10:30 AM EDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Sunday, July 31, 2005
drunken banter
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: OZZY!! Norah Jones
beep beep

im drunk

does anyone read this thing at all? let me know if you do, id appreciat it if i knew someone out there heard me! lol

fat fat fat Lisa, fat fat fat Lisa, la la la

im so scared for my girls, my6 cousins, theyre gonna develop an ED, one of the 2 or both. their mother, my aunt in law, is obsessed with weight and they always say that they're fat and they're 5 and 9! dammit......

maybe its genetic. i miss them so much. im in FL, theyre back in NY.

anyway, yeah, drunken. a little. i suck. i really do. sigh. oh, and brit, sorry i forgot to call last night!

Posted by Your Webmistress at 6:43 PM EDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Friday, July 29, 2005
distress
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: nothing
i feel like such a shit. i just had another dream about an old friend that i totally betrayed and i feel so horrible. crying and cutting started today's day. lots of fun.

i hate that i still might love him. not in love, just love. i never felt as close to anyone as him and i totally fucked it up. i can't forgive myself. i usually use him as a trigger......for everything. not eating, cutting, throwing up. everything. i know i fucked up.......... and i can't forgive myself, ever. im just such a horrible person....... dammit.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 4:48 PM EDT
Post Comment | Permalink

Newer | Latest | Older