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Your Webmistress
Friday, July 29, 2005
distress
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: nothing
i feel like such a shit. i just had another dream about an old friend that i totally betrayed and i feel so horrible. crying and cutting started today's day. lots of fun.

i hate that i still might love him. not in love, just love. i never felt as close to anyone as him and i totally fucked it up. i can't forgive myself. i usually use him as a trigger......for everything. not eating, cutting, throwing up. everything. i know i fucked up.......... and i can't forgive myself, ever. im just such a horrible person....... dammit.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 4:48 PM EDT
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Saturday, July 23, 2005
too little
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: nothing
sorry i havent written in a while, or updated, ive just been real shitty lately, throwing up at everything..... ugh, i forgot about the goddamn zits you get when you do it a lot

anyway, today i ate some, thought id keep it down, but then i ate cookie and bye bye it went =)

fat girl.........

Posted by Your Webmistress at 7:42 PM EDT
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005
damn damn damn
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: System Of A Down
its about 4:30 and im DYING for my wine. damn damn. alcoholism, here i come.

still havent had anything but gum and coffee today. i drank 2 pots, lol. definate caffiene rush, all jittery and shit.

let you know when i eat.......

Posted by Your Webmistress at 4:29 PM EDT
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so-so
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Celia Cruz
yesterday was ok, i guess. im guessing 500 cals and 20 grams of fat.....ok, that's bad, nevermind.....

the coffee helps the cravings a lot

coffee now.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 11:37 AM EDT
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
a good day
Now Playing: System Of A Down
OMG OMG OMG!!! I had SUCH a great day yesterday. I only ate tuna and veggies, nothing else!! A nice clean 250 calories and like....one gram of fat. ::Sigh:: I'm so proud. I haven't had a good day like that in a while. Usually the binges are hard to fight off, the weed doesnt help, lol. Munchies munchies munchies.

Well, here goes another day of caffeine and other assorted drugs. Wish me luck!

Posted by Your Webmistress at 9:13 AM EDT
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Friday, July 15, 2005
another rainy day
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: nothing
just purged twice in the last half hour and it took so much out of me. im wiped. i just want to sleep now.

i ate tortilla chips and some mac and cheese, low fat. got rid of it anyway. although not all of it, i think. i couldnt do it after a while. either there was nothing left or i didnt drink enough with it.

sigh.

i promise ill do more on the site, but tomorrow.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 7:57 PM EDT
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sins to confess
Now Playing: nothing
well. im an idiot. i ate a bunch of peanuts yesterday and i feel like crying now. dammit dammit dammit.

i made up these little pages to keep track of my food. i gotta punch holes in them and put it together in a binder, this is getting rediculous. fat stupid bitch.

ugh.

i miss my old site. this one's ok.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 10:41 AM EDT
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Thursday, July 14, 2005
rainy Thursday
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: nothing
the weather is horrible, its this damn hurricane!!

no substancial meals today. about 200 cals of crap. mints, smarties. bad lisa!

im wiped.......i need a DRINK!! AAAHHH!!!

i think im turning into an alcoholic. yay.....

Posted by Your Webmistress at 4:15 PM EDT
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005
rainy Wednesday
Now Playing: nothing
so i purged. surprise surprise.

on nothing really. only 200 calories or so. i just felt so nauseus. it was horrible.

so, no calories. YAY!!

wine now.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 6:35 PM EDT
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nothing to do
Now Playing: nothing
blah. i feel so crappy. im nauseus (sp?) all the time.......
water and 2 mints so far today. i got fat free pretzles, hopefully they'll settle my stomach.

atleast i have an excuse not to eat, lol.

anyhoo.....im beginning to love my ED again. makes me feel so nice and safe and in CONTROL.....aaaahhhh.......the best drug, lol

well, maybe not the best. but its certainly up there with the booze. that always helps with cravings. wine.

Posted by Your Webmistress at 12:47 PM EDT
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